Serious Head Trip!!!!!

Those of you that have followed my saga know that my surgeon says that I'm underweight and I was hospitalized in March for malnutrition and other things (I haven't updated my blog lately). I was told by my pcp that I could be damaging my heart if I'm anorexic. Who said anything about anorexic? Well that's what they were thinking, especially my hubby and kids because I'm obsessive about weighing everyday and would only eat 2 meals and refused to get past 173. My last visit to my neurologist showed  a low bp 77/63 or something like that and I was fainting and then they did labs and my liver enzymes were elevated. They told me to add salt to my diet and cut one of my migraine meds in half that is known to keep your weight low.

Well it has worked, I'm now 177 on my scale, which means that I would weigh 184 on the dr's scale and I'm not happy.  What is wrong with me ? It's like I would rather be bones and weak than be a healthier weight. This is scarey to me. I'm scared to death that I will turn around and be 355 lbs again. This head trip is crazy. I have a book that I'm going to read by a psychologist that had the gastric bypass "It Ain't Over 'Til The Thin Lady Sings" by Michelle Ritchie. I hope to  learn something from that. Am I alone ?

No sweetheart, I don't think you're alone AT ALL, but I do think this needs addressing.  I mean ABSOLUTELY no offense when I say this, so please understand where I am coming from, this may mean that you need some therapy to address those issues.  You have come a mighty long way and I don't blame you for being afraid to go back there. We all are afraid of that, but how you're coping isn't healthy.  So...just think about getting some help.  You deserve to be happy and healthy in all ways!!

No offense taken. I'm not one of those that don't believe in therapy. I had a wonderful therapist until my husband's job changed insurances and she doesn't take that kind and we had to part ways so I haven't  had therapy in over 2 yrs. I've had some horrible experiences with therapists before I found her and now I have cold feet with trying to find someone else. Much love to you Glammy.

You are not alone. 

I am desperately afraid that if I don't hit goal it will all come back on.  Logically it makes no sense but emotionally its as if I I don't have a prayer of long term success.  How can I maintain without reaching that magic goal weight. 

As long as I am above that magic number, I will not be satisfied.  I'm always just a snack away from obesity.  I imagine in your situation I would feel the same.  Scary. 

That's how I feel, like I'm one snack away and I've been snacking until I saw that scale. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

(((((Rita))))))

You know I have to opposite of your problem,  but I agree with Glammy, you need to have someone you can talk to one on one and open up completely about your fears.

I hope the book helps you find some answers, but consider talking to someone.  I mean you can always talk to us, we love you and we want you to deal with this rollercoaster of WLS.

Love you girl

Thank you so much !!!

 ((((Rita))))

I agree with the others. Please seek out therapy. Although regain is possible you need to get that out of your mind. Please, please, please concentrate on eating, drinking your water and taking your supplements.

Keeping you in my prayers. 

Thanks, I really do take my vitamins and I do great on my water. I've been doing some protein drinks this week so that is getting better. Thanks for the prayers.